Wednesday, November 28, 2012

A Bad Day

By 8:00 a.m., maybe even earlier, I knew I was going to have a bad day today. I can sometimes feel it coming on - like a mist creeping over a field, slowly covering up all the grass and flowers. It is hard to describe in a way that others can relate to, especially since everyone experiences things so differently.

When I'm having a bad day I kind of just shut down. I don't want to see people, talk to them, or interact in any real way. If I can, I will find a song or album and just put it on repeat as loudly as I can. Sometimes I will put on a movie, usually a drama, something that will stir up some emotions. Other times I will put on the most mindless movie and just escape into that world. Unfortunately, five out of seven days I have to work so I can't just hide and shut down. It makes these bad days even harder since I have to be "on" and interact with others in a comprehensive manner. Thankfully I have my lunch time where I can retreat to a quiet room with my lunch and my music and just be invisible for an hour or so.

This all sounds quite depressing, and it is I suppose but I guess that's the point. I said I wanted to talk about it, so people could maybe get a better understanding of who I really am. I hope it works.

All I ask is that you don't say, "Oh, Andréa, just cheer up!" because if it were that easy I would. Certainly things I see or hear throughout the day might cheer me up but mostly I just need to get through my funk and move on. It usually only lasts a day or so, I'll keep you posted.

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Stop Drop and Roll on Out

Do you ever wish you could just drop everything and start over somewhere new? I do. All. The. Time.

Thankfully, I have enough sense to know that that isn't realistic, and that, really, it would be a HUGE pain in the ass to actually start over. No clothes, no home, no furniture, no dishes. Still, it could be fun right?

I think if I ever got a chance at doing this I would do it - assuming my husband was on board of course, which he wouldn't be, but whatever. I have never really been able to decide where I would go though. I have a list of a few places I would like to live:
  • Nova Scotia or PEI - keeping things close to home but still away from it all.
  • North Carolina - I've always been fascinated by The South; and NC is beautiful.
  • The UK - I can't decide if I'd rather live in England, Wales, Ireland or Scotland...
  • Australia/New Zealand - From what I've heard these countries are amazing places to raise a family.
Now I'm pretty flexible...if someone had a ticket for anywhere else they weren't planning on using, I'm sure I could go pretty much anywhere, for a while at least.

Thursday, November 15, 2012

As The Days Get Shorter

It is getting to be a time of year that is hard on a lot of people. The days are getting shorter and the weather is colder; not really a good combination. Yes, some people love winter, and I can see why - there is a lot to do once the snow starts to fly - but even if you enjoy the season you might be affected by it.

In the past I haven't talked much about depression publicly. This post is kind of a "coming out", if you will.

I have been suffering from depression and anxiety for about eight years now and I'm finally coming to terms with it. No, it isn't easy to talk about, especially in such a public forum, but I think that it is important to talk about so that others out there can know that they aren't alone in the way they are feeling.

I chose to make this post now because of the shortening days; less sunshine, less vitamin D, less "happy". Now then, sunshine and vitamin D aren't the only factors, and everyone who suffers from any kind of mental illness is different, but they are proven contributors.

I will be going more in depth about my personal experiences as the months go along - assuming I'm up for it and you actually want to read about it - but for now I just wanted you all to know that it is OK to feel sad sometimes. Feeling sad doesn't make you depressed, it makes you human! For those of you who are affected this time of year, take a vitamin D supplement, it won't "cure" you, but it just might make you feel a bit better!