By 8:00 a.m., maybe even earlier, I knew I was going to have a bad day today. I can sometimes feel it coming on - like a mist creeping over a field, slowly covering up all the grass and flowers. It is hard to describe in a way that others can relate to, especially since everyone experiences things so differently.
When I'm having a bad day I kind of just shut down. I don't want to see people, talk to them, or interact in any real way. If I can, I will find a song or album and just put it on repeat as loudly as I can. Sometimes I will put on a movie, usually a drama, something that will stir up some emotions. Other times I will put on the most mindless movie and just escape into that world. Unfortunately, five out of seven days I have to work so I can't just hide and shut down. It makes these bad days even harder since I have to be "on" and interact with others in a comprehensive manner. Thankfully I have my lunch time where I can retreat to a quiet room with my lunch and my music and just be invisible for an hour or so.
This all sounds quite depressing, and it is I suppose but I guess that's the point. I said I wanted to talk about it, so people could maybe get a better understanding of who I really am. I hope it works.
All I ask is that you don't say, "Oh, Andréa, just cheer up!" because if it were that easy I would. Certainly things I see or hear throughout the day might cheer me up but mostly I just need to get through my funk and move on. It usually only lasts a day or so, I'll keep you posted.